Monday, February 21, 2011

Birthday reflections

I started this yesterday, but didn't get around to finishing. It was a busy birthday weekend, what with work, an outing with friends and a visit from my parents. It was lovely, but it's also nice to finally have a quiet day to myself.

I have to say, I don't feel 33. All this past week, people have guessed that I'm younger than I am, which is flattering, but it's also amusing. When I was in high school, people always thought I was older than I was.

Not that I'm complaining. But some days I still feel about 12 years old. I suppose because there's still so much I'd like to do. Like be more organized. I've been working on that (the plastic organizational bins I bought last week, just waiting to be filled, speak to that). And I want to write a book. My coworkers joke about my "sixth novel," and the number keeps rising (I think they've gotten up to nine now). A friend of mine from high school has been waiting for me to write a novel ever since then. Even a kids book would do. You know how some people say they knew very early on that they wanted to be a doctor, or a policeman? I knew when I was a child that I wanted to write books. And I write for a living, which is a blessing. But I need to make that time and be more dedicated with writing for me, even when I've been writing all day at the paper. And I should work on my Spanish. I haven't used it in so long and have lost so much of it already....perhaps traveling to a Spanish-speaking country would help with that. :) More travel? Yes, please!

I just don't want to look back later in life and have regrets. I see my parents and I know that there are things they wish they'd done, things they never tried or goals they still hope to accomplish.

And to be completely honest, beyond all that, I want to be married. I want children. I always have. Am I desperate? Hardly. Is my clock ticking? Quite possibly. Ultimately, it's God's will, not mine, but the thought of not experiencing those things makes me sad. Sometimes I wonder if that's what I'm called to give up. And yet, I pray for my husband and his intentions every day...wherever he is. I've done it for years. And I don't think I would have been prompted to do that if he wasn't out there to pray for. It is the desire of my heart. Funny, I didn't expect to write this paragraph. I started this with the intention of coming up with a bucket list of sorts,  but that's the thing about doesn't always go the way you plan. Like life. :)

No comments: